Not Christmas, cancer
That god awful disease,
Sucking the life blood from loved ones.
For some it has taken it all,
Others still bravely fighting on,
Weakened but in no way defeated.
Loved ones slowly tortured,
Watched by worrying relations,
Wondering if or when.
It’s time now to find a way,
To discover the cure,
To eradicate this abhorrent affliction.
(a poem written for the angel babies in the world)
To my mummy,
You never held me,
But I knew your heartbeat from the inside.
To my daddy,
You never kissed me,
But I heard your voice from within.
To my parents,
You didn’t see me,
But I will always be your child.
I should have come to see you,
Didn’t want to see you like that,
But now it’s too late,
Feel guilty now for staying away.
Couldn’t bring myself to call,
Didn’t want to think of you as frail,
I know you know I loved you,
But I should have been there.
I’ve had months to come and see you,
But fear kept me away,
And now you’re gone,
I shall never see you again.
I love you Grandad,
Please know that,
Don’t think i stayed away cos I wanted too,
I just wanted to remember you full of life.
I hope now that you’re free from pain,
That the great one is looking after you up there,
We will always love you grandad,
Gone but not forgotten.
As I climb the winding stairs,
I feel your cold eyes upon me,
But you’re not there, it’s just not fair,
No matter how hard I look.
Sometimes when I sleep, I feel you,
Your icy fingers touch my hair,
But it’s never real, never true,
No matter how hard I look.
I wish you were still here with me,
I need you by my side today,
Need to see you, know it can’t be,
No matter how hard I look.
Where you once stood
There’s just an empty space.
Where you once sat
There’s nothing except an armchair.
Where we once walked hand in hand
There’s nothing but sadness.
Where we once kissed, held in each other’s arms
There’s nothing, just nothing. Not a thing.
Everywhere I go
You’re there.
Maybe not in body
But definitely in the air.
The bed that we lay in
Is now empty and cold.
No longer a place filled with love
But a place filled with silent tears and confusion.
My body, which was once loved by you
Now feels empty, useless, lifeless.
The life that I lead, which used to give me pleasure
Is now completely meaningless
Everywhere I go
You’re there.
Maybe not in body
But definitely in the air.
I can’t escape from this darkness
I can’t see a way out.
Although I may appear to be fighting
My life is consumed with doubt.
You heartless, spineless, ice-cold person
Who took my life and threw it away.
It’s your fault that I’m hiding away from life
It’s your fault that my confidence died
Because…
Everywhere I go
You’re there.
Maybe not in body
But definitely in the air.
I can hear my heart break,
Listen as the fragments hit the floor.
A silver tear slides down my cheek,
As you walk out of the door.
As you say goodbye,
And I watch you leave,
My heart turns black, withers and dies.
I no longer feel the pain.
I let the numb feeling take me away,
To a place with no emotions and no fear.
A life without love,
In a land without dreams.
As my heart freezes over,
I realise that this is where I belong.
Graciously I accept my fate.
It’s all thanks to you,
My soul-destroyer.
Poems To Treasure 